/Song playing in the background/
*/Neath a faulted sky, cross loamless plains, and watered blight/
/Ah, were gone those days, once glory shone so brightly?/
/Fallen neath baleful wings dark as night/
Do you perceive the world the same as I do? The world in which we are able to control everything to our desire. Desire to live. Desire to survive.
Do you believe in miracles? Loads of burden on our shoulders, yet nature decides to be in our favor?
Life never comes at ease to every single all of us. I, myself, have never wanted to set foot in a dark, cramped, silent castle. Life knows no pain. Therein, I cry for its mercy. Life heeds no wailing, so there is no choice, but to stand on my own feet.
“So, preliminary semester would be crucial, I suppose. The translations are not my strong point, but I have an interest in them. We’ll see if it pays a dividend.” I muttered
The first two and three months everything went smoothly until the future knocks at the door. I somehow thought of my future self. Somehow, I felt scared. Somehow it felt uneasy. I had always wanted to go with translation once my duty at the university is finally over. However, my thoughts were filled with uncertainty. It tickled me a lot. I had no choice, but to ponder what I would do in the future. This took a lot of months and energy and I was knackered, both mentally and physically.
The end of the semester was just around the corner. And I found myself right at the very sharp end. Squeezed by expectations and reality. Nothing good came out, except my faith in my work. I felt everything in my hands was loose. They plunge. They run.
A conversation with myself was the only thing I ever needed. I do not need anyone. I need myself and just myself. So much pain to walk through what I want for people. No one seems to understand it. When the pandemic hit that year, I had already lost so many chances. Then came along with mentality problems making me worse every time. Every single hour. I felt as if I was a mere doll rather than a human. I did nothing because I knew nothing. My current field offers a lot of possibilities, but I do not see myself being part of those possibilities.
The eighth semester came and many months passed. My thesis’ progress seemed to be halted momentarily. I had to move fast. I had to think fast. I have always believed that I have to help myself. I do not want to rely on anyone.
People come and go, figuratively. Many of my fellows had already graduated and passed the thesis defense, yet I am like a sitting duck hoping for some sort of change. And amidst uncertainty, a glimpse of light showers my face at the end of the tunnel. I regain my confidence A completely different new field it is.
This is the new path I have chosen. This is my new life. I am proud of who I am. That I am able to endure all predicaments. That I can stand on my own feet. I know nothing for sure, but I just need to push through. And I believe!
/song playing in the background/
*/I have always walked alone. When I looked back, everyone was far away/
/Even so, I kept walking. That was my strength/
/”I’m not afraid of anything anymore”, I muttered to myself/
/Everyone will be alone someday, living on in memories only/
/I fight so that I will be able to love and laugh despite the loneliness/
/I won’t show my tears/
*: 1st song: Dragon’s Dogma Dark Arisen Main Theme
2nd song: Angel Beats Ending Song (Translated Lyrics)
Writer: Nanda Kresnantara
Editor: Baby Lois Augustine Nabasa & Fransiskus Nino Boby Laksono (QC)
Illustrator: Bedita