“Let’s break up, Haru,” he said.
I did not even flinch because I knew this was the end.
“I think our relationship doesn’t work.”
I took some time to see right in his eyes. There was no regret when he said that. He meant it.
“You know, you’re just too kind for me. I don’t deserve you.”
I was still looking into his eyes. Did he not know? I saw through his lies.
“Okay,” I finally said.
“Okay? Is that the best you can say?”
“What did you expect? Begging you for a hug?”
“Forget it.” Then he left me. Amid blooming flowers, under the clear sky, the cherry blossoms bloomed beautifully. Some fell in the wind and hit me. On the 7th of March, my relationship ended. I thought I was supposed to be sad. But why did I feel so numb? Maybe because I knew it would end like this? Because he was continually seeing another girl?
The street looked so beautiful. Cherry blossom trees filled the streets with pink. People were taking pictures with their beloved ones. Some with their partners, some with their families, and here I am. I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes. The moment I closed my eyes, my memory began.
It was in winter. One year ago, he confessed his feelings to me, and I did the same. I still remembered how happy we were at the beginning of our relationship. We laughed, spent our time together, watched movies, and laughed over a simple matte, but I didn’t know since when I always prioritized him above myself.
I grew my hair because he liked it even though I did not. I always waited for him to text me, I canceled my plans with friends just to see him, and I set the alarm for midnight to ensure he texted me when he got home. I bought him what he wanted. I didn’t even have time for myself. I always begged forgiveness for a mistake that he should have apologized for. I gave the best of everything just for him.
For almost one month, I felt that he had changed. He never texted me first and never asked how my day was. He always said he was freaking busy, so he could not reach me; we fought all day long, but I was always the one apologizing. Ultimately, I found him having an affair with his coworker. When did I become so foolish?
I realized how stupid it was to sacrifice myself for someone who didn’t deserve it. I realized that I was losing myself in a relationship. So, that was the end. The wind hit me. I opened my eyes and saw what a beautiful sight this was.
Now I knew why I felt numb when he dumped me. That’s right, something about love. I had to love myself first before I could love anyone else. It was time for me to take a better step. I took one step, and at first, it felt weird. I was scared about how my life would go without someone grabbing my hand.
Again, I took another step, and this was the right path. I felt free and relieved now. I could feel myself slowly returning. No regrets. I walked with relief, heading home while imagining spending time with myself, my family, and the friends I had left behind. Being in a relationship wasn’t for me. You know, in life, some things were just not meant to be.
Writer: Erica Rafaella
Editor: Desca Geovani Kristi, Ruth Tirza Arina (QC)
Illustrator: Kenar Syalaisha Kanayana